WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
