Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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