Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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