Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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