he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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