I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
