Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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