Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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