its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
