My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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