We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
