that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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