this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
