we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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