So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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