Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
