I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
