checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
