You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
