I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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