At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
