Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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