this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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