I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
