he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
