I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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