Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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