You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
too bad you live with your parents still
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
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