Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Two words: blizzard sex
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
These tits shall not be calmed
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
