my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
