I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
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