I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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