Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
