mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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