When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
