I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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