We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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