Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
