If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
