I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
