Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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