Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
