Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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