I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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