Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
