I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
