She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
