I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
