he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
