you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
