I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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