Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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