Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
