is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
