no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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