Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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